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On Passing the Time

10/02/2011

Here is a short reflection I wrote yesterday. Derran

It struck me, as we watched old home videos tonight, that I am missing out on life.

Tomorrow is Dax’s due date, and we are anxious for him to arrive—really anxious. Thus, for me, today was as an exercise in passing the time. What mindless chore could I perform? Which piece of prose could distract my attention? I am so ready for our new future to begin that the present has become a nuisance in my life.

That is why I was more than happy to oblige Brynn’s request to watch videos of when the girls were babies in Abilene—anything to take my mind off of my tardy future. As we watched those memories in our home on Westview, I began to long for those days again. Life was so simple, so peaceful, so joyful those many days ago. The more we watched, the more I felt my heart splitting between the impatient anticipation of what is to come and the grateful grieving of what has passed.

Like so often in my life, I desperately wanted to pass this time, this now, this present that interrupts my cherished past and my hopeful future.

And then I looked down and saw my two precious girls lying across me. The curly blonde hair that tickles my nose. The blue eyes that twinkle with the reflection of the TV. The laughter that bursts forth at the simplest events. And the question struck me like a 2-by-4 over the head. “Who would ever want to pass THIS time?” Life, and life to its fullest, was literally sitting in my lap. And, somehow, I had allowed myself to miss out on the sacrament of this moment.

So, I ask myself these questions. What would change if the past and the future did not distract from the present, but, instead, enhanced it? How often do I miss out on God’s presence in the mundane of today because I am waiting for the spectacular of tomorrow. What would I experience if I could appreciate the then while still fully living in the now?  I am not really sure myself, but I would like to give it a go and see what happens when one embraces the sacrament of the moment.

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4 comments

  1. It may be short but very powerful……life’s moments when we open
    ourselves up to allow God’s intervention. Thank you for putting
    your heart into this one and being so honest. I have prayed for this for you, not realizing your insight (as always) would be just what I needed.
    That picture makes me long for the future!!!!!!
    Waiting,
    Mom


  2. Derran, I love your posts! Thank you for sharing that, I needed to read that and be reminded of those things you mentioned. So, so good, loved it! Sure love you guys and are praying all the time for Dax’s arrival and will now be praying that as you wait you will enjoy this time together cherishing every moment and you will be able to see God more than ever. Love you so much!!


  3. Thanks Derran. To the point and right on target. I just left (BD) before Dax … BUT … I did THOROUGHLY enjoy being with you as we talked about Jesus … as I reacquainted with Brynn and Meg … they have grown so much … precious gifts of God … and what more can I say about my sweet Ann? I just love being in the presence of you all especially with Judy. And I now turn my heart toward home and another part of my fabulous family; my sweet Amy, Rick and their girls. Going to get to see Carisyn soon! The holidays are coming and our entire family will be together some during those days. I promise to enjoy the now … beginning now. I hope Dax isn’t too upset that he missed me.


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